Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
