I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
