i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
