Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
