Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
