we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
