yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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