our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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