Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
