no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
