so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
