she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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