It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
