His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
