The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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