and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
