pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
