we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
