Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
