new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
