Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My penis needs a shock collar
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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