even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
