I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
God, I missed his penis.
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