is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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