i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
