It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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