i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
