just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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