just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The struggles of a small town man whore
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
