We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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