I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
