I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
