Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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