i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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