You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
