There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
