Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
