omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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