i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
