I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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