yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
