You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
