mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
