another moral hangover. fuck.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
