i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
