I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
