i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
