last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
