someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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