what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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